Posted in blog, Uncategorized


To be honest, I am so done with my course. The things tha we were supposed to do are nit the things that they prioritize. I just want to feel fulfilled that what we’re doing is vital for the future of humanity. Why does it feels like we are just doing these requirements for grades? Why would they limit us to that? Why can’t we feel liberated to do what we think is good as well?

Researches, information needs assessment, thesis and many more… These are things that we’re not used to do that is why we need guides. We need help. We cannot just crawk on our own and just hear your scolding about our “stupidity” or “dumbness”. That’s unfair, really. What we need is motivation to keep on.

Look. Your designation as professors or doctor of philosophy, do they really matter if you are not an effective educator anymore?

I think no. I’d rather have instructors. At least they give us more of their time. At least their prioritize our learning more.

You must enhance us to get ready right?

Knowledge is useless if all that you do is boast about it. It’s pathetic and irritating at the same time.

You must share what you know. Don’t be so full of yourselves.

Posted in Uncategorized

Communication Failed, Communicators Failed

Can you see the irony in this world? I do.

I have a confession to make.
I am a communication student. As one, I must advocate effective communication between people and be a pioneer of that. In our world, miscommunication is not new anymore. There are instances where in wars start because of this. I believe that this is something that we must address.
I know for a fact that I still have a long way to go in improving my skills in creating an effective communication. I am still a student after all.
Unfortunately, attending one of my classes gave me this realization. It doesn’t matter if you are a communicator or not. The reality is that misunderstanding in communication happens and that’s inevitable.
We have this course subject about pretesting IEC materials to test the effectiveness of the material and improve them more. This is what our teachers are teaching us— to be able to know your audience and know their needs. We must be aware if our means of communicating is effective or not. Despite of that, I became upset of the fact that our teachers, who are supposed to show us what effective communication really is, failed.
Well, it’s not really entirely their fault. I admit that we really get sleepy sometimes during classes, but the fact that they are unfamiliar of that truth, even though they are well aware of it, disgusts me.
They should apply what they teach so that we can see that what we’re about to do is right. I can’t see that.
I can’t see an effective communication inside our classroom. What I see are sleepy students who don’t listen anymore because the lecture is too technical and boring. I see students playing games in their mobile phones just to enteraintain theirselves because they don’t see any connection between them and the teacher. I saw how misunderstanding occurred in our class because the instructions weren’t clear enough. This is not how you know your audience.
Knowing your audience, for me, must be knowing how to catch their attention and maintain that for the limited time you were given. Knowing them must be creating an identity that they could recall and apply in the future. Knowing them must be making your presence loud and clear like a voice. That’s what I think it should be, but that’s not happening.
How can communicators learn how to bring about effective communication if it already failed inside the four-cornered room where they were supposed to learn?
I believe that we are not an ordinary course because our role in our society is also important as doctors or engineers. I am not mocking us. I am just trying to point our shortcomings that we must correct.
Please, let us see that. Let us see that what we’re doing is really what is needed to be done.

This is a challenge! Be a real communicator!

Side note: I wrote this during that particular class because I really can’t understand the lecture.

Posted in PERSONALity, Uncategorized

how i met him


If there’s one thing that I learned about life, it’s the reality that we’re not in control of ours. Life is… life is unpredictable. Even if you try so hard to plan things and wish it would happen the way we want it to be, it won’t. There’d be failures or, perhaps, imperfections in that action.

So, when I least expect the big change in my life, where I thought nothing’s new aside from the boring cycle of my college life, that’s where he disrupted my view. Well, maybe, more of interrupted my beliefs. He came, and I didn’t even expect that he’d come this soon. I wish I could ask for more, but I know I can’t. That would be too greedy of me. Therefore, I am letting the time take us. We’re going with the flow, with every click of the long and short hand of the clock. We’re keeping track of the so-called process, as I am silently hoping that at the tail end of this journey, we’ll still meet halfway. Or hopefully, we’ll meet at the end, not apart but together.

At first, he was just the funny guy of the class. I even thought that he was gay because he’s hanging out with girls– cool and pretty girls. We were both from different blocks from the last semester of our first year in college. We met in a very odd way, yes. And I must admit, when I first laid my eyes on him, I find him attractive. He’s not that handsome, really, but he can be himself in front of other people and that’s what makes him extra attractive.

Of course, that admiration did not last long. I didn’t have any plan of creating new chapters of a cliché love story which only meant to end up bad. Anyway, it would be really a miracle if a love story would come to life within our block. But then, a miracle did happen. I was caught up in that moment and I still can’t move on. It really feels surreal for me. I can’t really fathom it– can’t grasp the fact that somewhere between the spaces between him and I, somehow, there’s really a red string connecting us. And this string pulled us together, meeting at the middle. But first, let me recall the process of how we both got there.

I was a dumb girl. I believe I was. A kind of socially-awkward, introvert/extrovert (depends with the mood), and not-so cool teenager. Yes. That’s how I was. Throughout the whole process, I was trying to crawl out of my own shell as the fear tried to creep in. I was excited and anxious at the same time.

Well, he was basically not yet a part of the picture. He was like an outsider. During the first semester of my second year in college, I was not close to any of my new block mates, and all I cared about was my grades and the reputation which I was trying to keep– the not-so cool kind of girl. I had my fears– everyone has. You know, teenage angst.

I didn’t talk to him or any of his friends unless it’s about school. I was intimidated. I just want to close doors and not care at all. But at the beginning of the second semester, that’s where the boring ride of my once Ferris wheel-like life turned to a joyful roller coaster ride. He took his seat there beside and took a ride. Funny enough, I should have fixed the bars surrounding me to prevent me from falling or getting injured, but I forgot to. During that ride, ironically, I feel safe.

I became close to him because of anime. That anime! Yeah. I was also deemed as his interpreter during a class in a major subject. I don’t know. The people inside that room didn’t understand anything that he was trying to say but I did. That’s the reason why I explained it the them. Then boom! I became his interpreter!

That title didn’t last long. People tend to forget funny or sad things easily as if it passes away like people do. They forget them unless some try to remember.

We continued to get closer. First, because of anime. Second, because a friend of mine is a friend of his as well. This friend served as a bridge. Well, that’s what I believe.

He and I were seatmates in our lab. Well, we were if you are sitting behind him. We were not the talkative type of seatmates, but when we start a conversation, I believe it’s anything but logical. It’s odd, but I believed that’s where fun starts. Maybe, sometimes, the logic in our life just disappears and you wouldn’t care enough as long as you enjoy the company of that particular person sitting in front of you. No romance (not yet).

I found myself getting close to him in any way possible. Through chat, call or text. I was letting him open the closed doors. I was trying to fight back the fear. At the back of my mind, I was hoping that I won’t regret what I chose.

I began to observe him and his actions. This was to confirm that inkling which bother me for quite some time already. Right there was the bait, and I, with no hesitation, took it.

I became conscious of everything that he’s doing to me. Walking me home with our other friend even if their way to theirs would be a longer walk; buying me food because I was nagging him to; promising to cook something for me; and messing up with my hair when I cut and dyed it. He was noticing the small things about me while I was noticing the odd actions he was doing. Yes, maybe, we both have our own odd worlds. I tried to deduct his actions. I came up with the conclusion that he might like me, but of course, I wouldn’t just settle with my hypothesis. I need proof just like in a research study, I must find evidence. I can’t just depend on theories. That’s where I started to collect the data. And I was on my journey of finding the answers to my suspicions, I was already beginning to feel that odd feeling. I was starting to like him– well, maybe, like him back. I thought.

So that night came when he called, his laughter was the first sound that I heard. It was not as pleasant as the guys in novels or movies, but I liked the way it sounded through my ears. It’s good. It was a nice kind of good. He was making fun of me. But I didn’t care. I don’t even mind if he’s like that. I care more about answering my queries. I want to have that process, but during that moment, I just can’t wait. I was in a rush. It felt like the ride on the Ferris wheel became faster.

I know we have that stupid belief that guys should make the first move. But who cares? Darn that stereotype.

So, I asked him first. But I just couldn’t make myself say the words. I mean, it is my first jerking time to ever do that. He was waiting at the other side of the line. I was afraid. I was contemplating my future decisions. I came up with the most unbelievable decision that I ever took. I felt different doing that. I was like a cool and reckless kind of person, like I really did not care what other people might say at all. I want to stay with that moment and enjoy it.

I said I like him first. NO. I don’t love him (yet), but I like him. I also told him that it’s okay if he doesn’t like me back. I wouldn’t mind. I just wanted him to know.

He said he was nervous. And I could hear his deep sigh from the other line. I started to feel upset when he can’t even just shrug what I said if he doesn’t like me. I was serious that time. I really don’t mind.

It’s cool that I told him, but if he can’t reciprocate that feeling then it’s only ethical to forget about it. But he didn’t. A long pause. Then, he told me not to be a pessimist. But I wasn’t, right? I was just considering possibilities.

That’s where I felt something inside my stomach, as if butterflies were inside, as if they are lurching inside my intestines. I feel odd. I already know the answer, but I still want him to say it. I want him to tell me. It’s some kind of assurance for me, like a confirmation.

He likes me, too. No! He loves me. He said he loves me. Oh! Butterflies! Oh, falling stars. My unicorns! I can’t really explain what I felt that time. I was happy, upset, afraid and excited all at once. I just wanted to cry. He was there. I could hear him, and I was okay. It’s okay, but the loud thump inside my chest distracts my calm soul. It felt surreal, really. Someone liking me like that, liking me real and sincere. My heart, my poor heart was beating so fast as if it can win a race.

I wish… I only wish he won’t get tired, because most of the time people get tired. He agreed with the process that I want to take. Don’t rush. Yes, don’t.

Please, don’t get tired of waiting because I am also waiting— for the perfect timing.

Someday, we’ll reach the end of this long chase. I hope during that time, I would still be able to say, freely and happily, how I’ve also fallen for you.

I love you, too.





Posted in Uncategorized

Bente Ka Na, Kaya May Bente Ako

Oo, ang tanda mo na nga
Matanda ka at mataba pa
Tanda ko pa noong maliliit tayo
Sabi ko maliit yung posibilidad na maging malapit tayo
Tayo yung aso’t pusa eh
Ikaw yung tumatahol, ako yung kumakalmot
Pero bigla ata natin iyong nilimot
O baka naman pagod na tayo sa yamot
Pero teka, hindi naman ito tungkol dun eh
Tungkol ito sa kaarawan  mo
Yung kaarawan mong puno ng nagkalat na paputok at stick ng barbeque
Ha! Bagong taon nga, bagong buhay na rin kapatid
Bagong taon sa iba, pagbabago rin ng taon mo
Pero kelan rin kaya madadagdagan ang tangkad mo?
Kasabay sa numero ng edad mo?
Bagong taon na, tumalon ka ba?
20 ka na ngayong 2017
Kaso mukha ka pa ring seventeen
Pero alam mo namang mahal kita diba?
Kahit sa text ko lang nasasabi
Kahit kapag tulog lang habang nahilik
Matanda ka na, mataba pa
Kaya sana maisipan mo ring awayin yung mga pagkain
Kasi puro ka kain
Tula pa ba ito?
Mahilig ka kasi sa mga uso
Naku, hindi ko na alam kung konektado
Hindi kasi ako magaling dito
Oo, asan na ako? Ah! Uso.
Uso dito, uso dyan, hanggang humaba na yung nguso
Pero dalang-dala mo naman ate
Dala mo lahat ng kolorete
Sa katawan mo na mura nga pero maganda
Mabait na anak, pandak nga lang
Mapagbigay, kahit yung wallet wala ng laman
Magaling ka rin at maganda
O ayan, nakangiti ka na ba?
Yung bente ko mamaya ha?
Wag mong kalilimutan kapag binati kita.

“Mahal kita. Peksman. Walang titibag.”



Posted in Uncategorized

Bagong Kwento

Ikaw iyong napaginipan ko nung isang gabi. Yung lalaking humawak sa kamay ko habang nakangiti. Hindi ko alam kung bakit napangiti rin ako. Basta pakiramdam ko malapit ka sa akin, kasing-lapit ng palad mo sa palad ko. Kita ko ang mga mata mo habang nakapikit ang akin. Kita ko ang mga ngiti mo habang yung labi ko naglalaway na ata. Pagtapos nun, dumating na ang umaga. Dumating ang malamig na umaga, kasabay ng mainit na sinag ng araw at pagmulat ko, pagbukas ng inaantok ko pang mga mata, wala ka na. Hindi ko na maaninag ang iyong mukha. Hindi ko na maramdaman iyong koneksyon natin habang ako ay nakapikit. Tila ba binawi ng paggising ko ang katotohanang hindi totoo ang mga nakita ko. Tila ba sinampal ako sa riyalidad na sa panaginip ka lang magiging totoo. At oo, sa panaginip nga lang tayo nagkatagpo.
Pero sana, ngayong pinatuloy ko ang bagong taon kasabay ng paggising ng bagong umaga, sana makita kita. Sana tumuloy ka rin para magkaroon tayo ng tulay at magkatagpo sa gitna ng lahat ng ito– sa gitna ng gulo, sa gitna ng riyalidad at ilusyon ko.

Sana magkita tayo habang nakamulat ang pareho nating mga mata, nakangiti ang mga labi at magkahawak ang mga kamay.

Walang pag-aalinlangan kung ang lahat ba ng ito ay sadyang panaginip lang. Walang pangamba na baka bukas, paggising ko wala ka na– naman.

Sana ito na yung bagong kwento na magbubukas ng mas magandang pinto, magsusulat ng mas magandang libro at maglilipat ng bagong pahina. Sana ito na iyong pagkakataon natin para sa riyalidad na magtagpo at hindi na lang sa panaginip.
Ngayong bagong taon, sana dumating ka na. Sana buksan mo na ang pinto ng puso kong walang susi. Sana ikaw na iyon.

Sana… minamahal kong hinaharap.

In celebration of New Year! 2017 hooray! GOD BLESS US ALL EVERYONE! ♥♥♥

Nagmamahal Din Ang Hangin

Hindi na siguro maiiwasan sa ating mundo na minsan makakaligtaan natin ang mga bagay na palagi lang nating nakakasalamuha. Minsan, ang mga bagay na dapat sana ay binibigyang pansin at halaga, ang mga iyon pa ang nakakalimutan nating pahalagahan. Siguro nga likas na sa tao ang mas mahalin ang mga bagay na hindi naman kamahal-mahal. Siguro likas na sa atin na mas mapansin ang mga bagay na nakakapanakit. Naaalala pa ba natin kahit isang beses man lang sa isang araw ang hangin?
Katulad din ng tao, nagmamahal din ang hangin. Ang bawat paghalik nito sa ating pisngi ang nagbibigay hudyat na nangungulila ito ng pansin– nangungulila ng pagpapahalaga na matagal ng kinalimutan ng tao. Ang pagsayaw nito sa pagitan ng mga damo at iba pang halaman ang nagpapakita ng saya na nadarama nya. Pero ngayon, tila napalitan na iyon ng kalungkutan at galit. Napalitan ang galak ng galit, kung kaya’t ang pagaspas lang dati ay isang malakas na hampas na ngayon sa katauhan ng bagyo at buhawi. Wala na nga sigurong pagmamahal ang nadarama ng hangin. Ito siguro ang dahilan kung bakit ang dating rason kung bakit tayo humihinga pa ay isa na rin sa dahilan kung bakit karamihan sa atin ay naghihingalo na.
Panipis na ng panipis ang hangin. Marumi na rin ito. Alam ko at alam ko ring alam nyo rin ito. Kagagawan ng tao ang bagay na ito, pero minsan naisip ko na siguro ito rin ang paraan ng hangin para maghiganti– para maipakitang kailangan din nya ng pansin, para ipakitang kaya rin nyang makapanakit dahil masakit sa pakiramdam na hindi na pinapahalagahan ang halaga nya.
Sa tingin ko, maihahalintulad ang pagmamahal ng hangin sa pagmamahal ng isang taong may lihim na pagtingin sa isang tao. Oo.Masasabi kong matamis magmahal ang hangin dahil sa una ang tanging rason lang ng kanyang pananatili sa mundo ay para mabuhay tayo– tayong mga tao.

Mamahalin ka nya kahit pa hindi mo maalala na nandyan sya o ni hindi mo alam na mahal ka nya.
Mamahalin ka nya kahit wala kapalit.

Nandyan sya dahil kailangan mo sya. Nandyan sya kahit hindi mo sya nakikita.
Ngunit dumating na sa puntong napabayaan mo yung bagay na minamahal ng hangin– ikaw.Napunta na sa puntong napabayaan mo ang sarili mo at ang paligid mo, kaya ang resulta, pati ang hangin nadamay na rin. Hindi ba’t nakakalungkot ding isipin na ang isang nagmamahal ng palihim ay nasasaktan din ng palihim?
Sirang-sira na sya. Habang palalang-palala ang sakit na dinulot mo sa kanya, pati ikaw palalang-pala na rin. Kahit pa malaman mo ang kalagayan nya, tila huling-huli ka na. Tila ba wala ng pag-asa para maibsan manlang ang sakit na dinulot natin sa hangin dahil sa dulo ng lahat ng ito, parang hindi mo pa rin sya kayang mahalin.
*excerpts from Umigib ng Pag-ibig (Journal) 2016