Posted in To the people who love..., To this broken heart...

I farted stars and unicorns

I was asleep; that thin piece of cloth barely covering my body. The night was cold but it didn’t matter. I was lying there, lying on the green grass as if it served as my bed in an open room full of darkness.
It was dark. There wasn’t any sign of light that could give me hope that dawn was near. I was shivering, eyes shut and teeth gritted.
I was waiting for your arrival. I can just choose to leave, but I didn’t. I don’t even want to. You said you’d come back.

You just have to find yourself. But were you lost? I don’t remember seeing your soul leaving your body or the other way around.

I was skeptical to believe your reason but I ended up buying it– ended up waiting in the cold and dark night.
You left me there, remember? I was stretching my arms to you as you slowly walk away from me. Irrational tears fell from my eyes as I watched your retreating back. You said you’d come back and I believed you, even if I know, at the back of my mind, that you’re good in telling lies. When you left, you didn’t even dare to look back as if you haven’t left something, someone– me.
You said you believe in magic. Well, I don’t. You tell me stories about unicorns and damsel in distress and glass slippers. I just listen pretending to be interested to your fictional stories.
I loved you that’s why I forced to make myself be a fan of magic, of mysteries, even if I really don’t.
You see? Magic took you away from me.
When we were together in this same place, hands intertwined, you saw a ting flicker of light. You were fascinated. I even noticed your eyes sparkling. You ought to follow that light, while I stopped you. Then moments passed, you begun telling me that you’re tired, fed up with this whole relationship bound by love. Were you tired of me? Or tired of pretending that you love me?
You’re a liar! You don’t really believe in unicorns and damsels in distress or glass slippers. You hated them. It was just that you thought that I was the one who liked them that’s why you tried liking them as well. But it was such a big mistake to like something you really don’t.
And it’s the same with your feelings. You’re a fat liar, a puppet manipulated by your own greed and ego. You said I was your princess. But you lied again. You saw me as a prey, a bird perhaps. That kind of bird people sell for its beauty. You were my hunter. Like a fool, I let you hunt me and catch. Now that I no longer posses that beauty, you chose to leave me– throwing me like a garbage.
You won’t come back. You won’t. That’s a given

But because I am a fool, I still stay on the same spot where you left me. I look up and stare at the endless darkness.

I noticed stars started floating around me. They were shining so bright. Then unicorns fly leaving a trace of light.

They were coming from me, from me bottom– or the bottom of my heart or stomach. I’m not sure. But they’re beautiful.

Maybe, I farted stars and unicorns, holding the piece of hope that it will bring me light in this dark night and a possibility that one of your lies might be true.

 

* * *

I don’t know if does make any sense. I just hope it does.

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Posted in To this broken heart...

Itataas ang Puting Bandera

Suko na ako sa lahat ng argumento mong tila kaya nang kumitil ng buhay ng tao

Wala na akong panlaban pa sa mga dahilan mong wala namang kapupuntahan at walang katuturan

Paulit ulit at paulit ulit na lang tayong liliko sa usapang babalik din naman sa simula

Sa umpisa kung saan ang dating matatamis at mabubulaklak mong salita ngayon ay tila mga balang tumatama na:

Tumatama sa nabibingi ko nang tenga na halos dumugo na kakapakinig sa’yo

Tumatama sa puso kong kasing rupok lang naman ng maliit na bato

Suko na ako, ayoko na

Pagod na pagod na ako

Pagod na akong pakinggan ka at ang mga rason mong kinulang sa lohiko

Hindi mo nga alam gumamit ng retorika, bato ka lang ng bato ng argumento

Mga argumento mong inihahain lang sa mesa kahit wala namang sustansya

Mga argumentong lutong karinderyang wala lasa, niluluto para lang kumita

At habang binibigkas mo ang mga salitang magiging sanhi siguro ng pamamaalam ko, napapaisip ako

Napapaisip kung asan na nga ba ang taong minahal ko at minahal ako na parang walang makakahigit sa mundo

Nasan na ang maamong mukha na araw-araw kong nakikita sa tuwing babatiin ako ng umaga?

Wala na, wala ka na

At tila ba naging panaginip ang masasayang araw na kasama ka

Na habang nakamulat ang dalawang mata, dun pa ako nabangungot ng malungkot at nakakatakot na katotohanang malapit ng matapos ang lahat

Ang lahat na inakala kong may masayang pagtatapos

Ngunit ayoko na

Dahil ang mundo kasama ka ay naging mabigat lang na pasanin sa huli

Na sa tuwing nagpapansinan tayo, lagi nalang nating napapansin ang kapintasan nating dalawa

Walang bahid ng pagmamahal sa mga mata natin

Suko na ako

Dahil tila ba kapag pilit kong tinitimbang ang pagmamahal ko at galit, mas bumibigat ang mapait na galit

Lalo lang sumisikip ang dibdib

At habang pinipilit ko tumakbo palayo sa nakakasakal na sitwasyon, lalo lang humihirap kumawala

Sa iyo ko napagtanto na minsan nakakapagod pala talagang magmahal

Na harang tumatakbo ka kasabay sa agos ng buhay kasama sya, bigla ka na lang titigil at hihingalin

At bago ko pa iyon maramdaman sa kalagitnaan ng daang pareho nating tinatahak, nauna ka nang mapagod

Nauna ka nang makalimot

Kinalimutan mo ang mga mabubulaklak mong pangako na ngayon ay lanta na, gutay gutay at walang buhay

Kinalimutan mo ang mga pangarap na parang kastilyong buhangin

Sabay nating binuo pero isang alon lang ang sumira

Kaya ngayon, bago pa ako tangayin ng parehong dagat na sumira sa binuo natin

Bago pa ako lamunin ng galit na sinlalim ng dagat, titigil na rin ako sa pagtakb

Bago pa ako mabihag ng mga pangako mong hinding hindi na lalago, pipiliin ko nang putulin ang sangang komumokonekta sa iyo sa akin

Aalisin ko na sa utak ko ang pagbabakasakaling baka

Baka maging maayos pa tayo

Itataas ko ang puting bandera

Simbolo ng paglaya ko mula sa hawla nating dalawa

Simbulo ng pagsuko sa mga argumento mong pilit mong ipinapanalo

Itataas ang puting bandera na nagsasabing hayaan mo na akong mag-isa

Posted in To this broken heart...

On KPOP and KDRAMA

Right. You’re treating that hobby as a way to escape from your misery, right? You are always sad that’s why when you saw that door and walked in, you were fascinated by the colors or hues that you’ve never seen before. Sure. It’s an escape route from your reality. You are staring at the black and gray shaded life that you’ve been miserably living, then you face the other side and notice that rainbow light coming from that door. It’s as if the rainbow fills up the neutral and boring shade of your life.
All those dancers, singers and artists that make you scream in awe and amazement are the sole reason that help you forget about your own problems even just for a bit. They seem to make you feel alive more than ever. They seem to be your new source of hope to smile and live. All those dramas that you anticipate to watch make you feel like you were one of the characters as well and for a moment, you feel that it does feel good to live like that.
These make you feel like another person, a lot more different from the real one and a lot better than in reality. But heed this as an unsollicited advice, friend. It’s not a crime to open that door and sneak in, but don’t stay there for too long as if it became your life already. Don’t forget that reality is different from fiction. Don’t live your life inside a story that was and will only be an escape route from reality. Don’t make it your reality because there’s a fat chance that the door will be locked and you won’t find any key to open it anymore. Thus, you might not be able to come out. And as the imagination fills up your reality, it devours your soul as well. Never let that happen.

Focus! Remember your reality.

Posted in To this broken heart...

Unwanted Bride

There’s no significant story behind this poem. I just wrote it first because I was bored, second because I had to find a cure for that boredom.

[Carpe diem]
♥♥♥

* * *

UNWANTED BRIDE

The sun shines brightly at me
It remind me of our precious memory
The I remember that day you walked away
I am still crying every single day.

There could have been a beautiful story
But why did you have to leave me?
I don’t want to wake up this way
I want to utter the things that I couldn’t say.

It is still painful for me to see
The future that we never had and will never be
I wish I could make it true today
I prayed I could make you stay.

It could have been awesome to be
The bride that you wanted to marry
But I wasn’t the one you dreamt anyway
This is a tricky game that I cannot play.

Now there you are smiling brightly
With that woman beside thee
The sun starts to fade away
My heart bleeds until today.


Too many rhyming words, y’ight? Haha. I hope this kind of poem aren’t already overrated because I think the word overrated, itself is overrated already.

Love y’all!

Posted in A blog, To this broken heart...

I Can See Elsewhere

I suddenly wanted to write a poem, so here is it. This is for young people who have their own big dreams! Keep on believeing!

Thank you for reading!


 

 

Someone told me, I have nowhere to go

Then I can’t stop my tears to flow

I have dreams that lead to nowhere

Then, why do other kids have “elsewhere”?

 

Walls that were created to stop me

Dreams that were bound for them only

I am envious of that excellent award

I can’t face them and tell, “so what?”

 

I don’t think I deserve this

I want them to hear me, please

I beg for understanding and attention

I am seeing “elsewhere” as my conclusion

 

I have been keeping this pain

I had to stay low and plain

Deep inside, I want to yell

“I don’t want to be like this and be in hell.”

 

I want to believe that after a rain

There’s a rainbow and gold for me to gain

I had hope that there’s a brighter future

Than the present that looks like feature

 

Would someone tell me there’s a hope?

That life is just like a slope

There’s higher and lower part

And then the best part.

 

I don’t want to follow someone’s dream

Mine’s different from him

I don’t want to be controlled by any humans

I want to do it with my bare hands

 

I am sick of the pessimists

Adults are such bad artists

They don’t get me, so do I

Can they just stop telling me a lie?

 

I have a future

This is just a torture

A test to be passed,

Then a good conclusion, at last!

Posted in A blog, To this broken heart...

You Again

I am not that typical kind of girl who had many EX’s. But I had a boyfriend. HAD. So, it’s a past tense.

I am writing now about this because I am a little confused.


 

I met him because of my cousin. We started as friends and it was kind of good because he’s kind. He eventually became my best bud. Even if I am aware of the fact the he likes me, I still did not acknowledged it and asked him that we just stay as friends.

Well, he respected that, but he still tried to court me.

For six months, he courted me. There’d be times when we’re talking by the phone or we’re just find time to exchange messages.

He was the first guy who gave me lovely flowers. He wasn’t the first one that I loved, but I learned to love him back. I believed that I could trust him. I had hoped that he will take good care of my heart.

On a Christmas day, we became a couple.

Well, it wasn’t very special because I only confirmed it through call. i told him that I’ve made up my mind, and that I want to try and make it work.

I hope it did. But it didn’t.

It’s a big disadvantage when you are in a relationship with someone who is attending a different school. But I trusted him.

Even if I try very hard to make it work, it still didn’t. We eventually lost contact after a couple of weeks, and before I knew it, we’re over.

There wasn’t any proper closure. I wasn’t even sure if he still loves me or not. And I cried every night asking myself why it didn’t worked out.

Our relationship didn’t reach a month span. It was such a pity to think about it.

After nights of wondering and crying, I learned to get over him. I learned to move on and believe that maybe, my forever doesn’t belong to him. I have realized that my life shouldn’t be wasted just because of a failed first try.

It’s been 2 years, and I am okay now– beyond okay.

The first guy that I loved courted me, too. But I decided to stay like this for now. I decided to enjoy my life while I am still young.

The annoying and irritating part was when he showed up, without any warning.

Why is it that when everything seems okay, he’ll come and ruin it?

First, he asked me if I’m okay. Well, I was okay.

After some questions, he reached his agenda.

He asked me if I still have feelings for him, and I answered a clear, “none anymore”.

He didn’t accept it nor rejected it. He told me that he wants a second try. He told me that he still loves me and that didn’t change during that 2 years that had passed.

I told him to stop lying and that I don’t believe him anymore.

I want to cry and ask him, “why now?”

I don’t have the wit to tell him that. I don’t have the courage to shove infront of him the pain that I’ve felt when he suddenly disappeared. Now, he’s back. He acts as if nothing major happened… as if I wasn’t hurt.

At the end of our conversation, I told him to grow up and respect my decision. He told me again that he loves me. He uttered that three words again, and he confused me a lot.

I told him that I am not the only girl in the world, and that we both deserve someone better… that it won’t work out anymore. He told me that even though there’s a million of girls on earth, I am the only one for him.

I wasn’t fluttered. I was pissed.

I told him that we can be friends, but he wants us to be more than friends. How about that? Ugh!

He told that he’ll wait. I don’t care now.

I don’t believe to his damn promises anymore. The last time I believe in those, I felt misery. I don’t want to go back to that feeling again.

I don’t want to be like that anymore.

Even if it seems that I still have feelings for him, can you tell me… will I accept him again?

Posted in To this broken heart...

The Fault in Us

Dear Daddy,Thank you for breaking my heart before any other guy could.


I am a happy person. But people used to say that the happiest person is rather the saddest one. I agree to that.

Broken. We are broken. But I am trying to fix myself. I swear, I am trying. lately, I’ve realized that it is really hard fixing myself all alone. I wasn’t able to put my self together. Not at all.

I figured things out, and I woke up in a reality of heart breaks and horrible scenes. I am broken… because my loved ones are broken like I do. Maybe Bo Sanchez was right. My love tank wasn’t full. Or was just empty rather. Why? Because my family lacks the love that they could give me.

My moms always nags us to call dad and ask him to support us financially. She always reminds us his faults and shortcomings. Growing up, I haven’t fully remembered my father’s good deed and love. I just planted the negatives ones in my mind. Thinking that if I don’t, that would mean a betrayal to my own mother.

Being a part of an unhappy, pitiful and broken family isn’t east all. Who would dare to stand up straight and boast to many people that his family’s broken? Who would, huh? I tried not to hate or hurt her. But still I did. I don’t understand her, too. She always changes her perception about things in life. I don’t know which part I must believe. I sometimes want to shout at her and tell her to think properly. But then she is still my mom.

Changes? He always mentions that word. Changes that he, bitterly and damnly, brought. But I wouldn’t want to be unfair when the truth is already obvious. My father is flawed. He really is. But he has positive attributes, too. I just can’t seem to see all of it. But I believe he has. I love him. No one could ever change that. Not even mom. My mom loved him, or loves? I am not sure anymore. The thing that I know is that once upon a time, there once lived a couple who had so much love to give to their two daughters. They’d do their part and love them. They’d do it together. But suddenly, due to some undetermined cause, the love broke as the heart did. For love sometimes isn’t enough to be just love–  it has to be great. The end.

What an unhappy ending, huh?

I loved my family, but as I mentioned a while back, it is not enough. We didn’t learn to cherish and nourish it. Now it turned dead and dull.

Life became hard. It is so obvious and undeniable.There’d be few successes and a bunch of struggles. I am still young, but I grew up putting in mind that I must think more matured that what I have to. Whenever he doesn’t give a damn to call and give some money, it is our fault. Mom blames us because she can’t vent her anger in front of his face. It totally angers me whenever she does that. Like hello? Is it our fault that he is a jerky jerk? No, right? Sometimes, she is just unfair. Aren’t we still young to absorb and accept all of these things? I think mom doesn’t think that way. If she’s hurt, she’s hurt… and she doesn’t think if we’re hurting like her. She lost a husband. But we lost things that is more than that. We lost a father… most specifically, we lost a family. Because since this ungrateful scene happened, everything became a mess. We lost the joy of childhood memories. We lost the chance to have good memories at home, because no one was able to provide us a permanent one. I know. Every single thing that had happened wasn’t a part of the plan. Why? Because they didn’t have any plan in the first place. So now, is it our fault that all of these things happened? Is it our fault that we can’t force him to stay? We aren’t that smart nor strong to bear all of these things and balance it without falling down. We are vulnerable, too. I just can’t understand why my mom can’t see that. Was it just me, or she just blinded herself to see through it clearly?

I don’t know anymore. I am just hurt by it.

love,

Your Princess