Posted in To the people who love..., To this broken heart...

I farted stars and unicorns

I was asleep; that thin piece of cloth barely covering my body. The night was cold but it didn’t matter. I was lying there, lying on the green grass as if it served as my bed in an open room full of darkness.
It was dark. There wasn’t any sign of light that could give me hope that dawn was near. I was shivering, eyes shut and teeth gritted.
I was waiting for your arrival. I can just choose to leave, but I didn’t. I don’t even want to. You said you’d come back.

You just have to find yourself. But were you lost? I don’t remember seeing your soul leaving your body or the other way around.

I was skeptical to believe your reason but I ended up buying it– ended up waiting in the cold and dark night.
You left me there, remember? I was stretching my arms to you as you slowly walk away from me. Irrational tears fell from my eyes as I watched your retreating back. You said you’d come back and I believed you, even if I know, at the back of my mind, that you’re good in telling lies. When you left, you didn’t even dare to look back as if you haven’t left something, someone– me.
You said you believe in magic. Well, I don’t. You tell me stories about unicorns and damsel in distress and glass slippers. I just listen pretending to be interested to your fictional stories.
I loved you that’s why I forced to make myself be a fan of magic, of mysteries, even if I really don’t.
You see? Magic took you away from me.
When we were together in this same place, hands intertwined, you saw a ting flicker of light. You were fascinated. I even noticed your eyes sparkling. You ought to follow that light, while I stopped you. Then moments passed, you begun telling me that you’re tired, fed up with this whole relationship bound by love. Were you tired of me? Or tired of pretending that you love me?
You’re a liar! You don’t really believe in unicorns and damsels in distress or glass slippers. You hated them. It was just that you thought that I was the one who liked them that’s why you tried liking them as well. But it was such a big mistake to like something you really don’t.
And it’s the same with your feelings. You’re a fat liar, a puppet manipulated by your own greed and ego. You said I was your princess. But you lied again. You saw me as a prey, a bird perhaps. That kind of bird people sell for its beauty. You were my hunter. Like a fool, I let you hunt me and catch. Now that I no longer posses that beauty, you chose to leave me– throwing me like a garbage.
You won’t come back. You won’t. That’s a given

But because I am a fool, I still stay on the same spot where you left me. I look up and stare at the endless darkness.

I noticed stars started floating around me. They were shining so bright. Then unicorns fly leaving a trace of light.

They were coming from me, from me bottom– or the bottom of my heart or stomach. I’m not sure. But they’re beautiful.

Maybe, I farted stars and unicorns, holding the piece of hope that it will bring me light in this dark night and a possibility that one of your lies might be true.

 

* * *

I don’t know if does make any sense. I just hope it does.

Advertisements
Posted in To this broken heart...

Itataas ang Puting Bandera

Suko na ako sa lahat ng argumento mong tila kaya nang kumitil ng buhay ng tao

Wala na akong panlaban pa sa mga dahilan mong wala namang kapupuntahan at walang katuturan

Paulit ulit at paulit ulit na lang tayong liliko sa usapang babalik din naman sa simula

Sa umpisa kung saan ang dating matatamis at mabubulaklak mong salita ngayon ay tila mga balang tumatama na:

Tumatama sa nabibingi ko nang tenga na halos dumugo na kakapakinig sa’yo

Tumatama sa puso kong kasing rupok lang naman ng maliit na bato

Suko na ako, ayoko na

Pagod na pagod na ako

Pagod na akong pakinggan ka at ang mga rason mong kinulang sa lohiko

Hindi mo nga alam gumamit ng retorika, bato ka lang ng bato ng argumento

Mga argumento mong inihahain lang sa mesa kahit wala namang sustansya

Mga argumentong lutong karinderyang wala lasa, niluluto para lang kumita

At habang binibigkas mo ang mga salitang magiging sanhi siguro ng pamamaalam ko, napapaisip ako

Napapaisip kung asan na nga ba ang taong minahal ko at minahal ako na parang walang makakahigit sa mundo

Nasan na ang maamong mukha na araw-araw kong nakikita sa tuwing babatiin ako ng umaga?

Wala na, wala ka na

At tila ba naging panaginip ang masasayang araw na kasama ka

Na habang nakamulat ang dalawang mata, dun pa ako nabangungot ng malungkot at nakakatakot na katotohanang malapit ng matapos ang lahat

Ang lahat na inakala kong may masayang pagtatapos

Ngunit ayoko na

Dahil ang mundo kasama ka ay naging mabigat lang na pasanin sa huli

Na sa tuwing nagpapansinan tayo, lagi nalang nating napapansin ang kapintasan nating dalawa

Walang bahid ng pagmamahal sa mga mata natin

Suko na ako

Dahil tila ba kapag pilit kong tinitimbang ang pagmamahal ko at galit, mas bumibigat ang mapait na galit

Lalo lang sumisikip ang dibdib

At habang pinipilit ko tumakbo palayo sa nakakasakal na sitwasyon, lalo lang humihirap kumawala

Sa iyo ko napagtanto na minsan nakakapagod pala talagang magmahal

Na harang tumatakbo ka kasabay sa agos ng buhay kasama sya, bigla ka na lang titigil at hihingalin

At bago ko pa iyon maramdaman sa kalagitnaan ng daang pareho nating tinatahak, nauna ka nang mapagod

Nauna ka nang makalimot

Kinalimutan mo ang mga mabubulaklak mong pangako na ngayon ay lanta na, gutay gutay at walang buhay

Kinalimutan mo ang mga pangarap na parang kastilyong buhangin

Sabay nating binuo pero isang alon lang ang sumira

Kaya ngayon, bago pa ako tangayin ng parehong dagat na sumira sa binuo natin

Bago pa ako lamunin ng galit na sinlalim ng dagat, titigil na rin ako sa pagtakb

Bago pa ako mabihag ng mga pangako mong hinding hindi na lalago, pipiliin ko nang putulin ang sangang komumokonekta sa iyo sa akin

Aalisin ko na sa utak ko ang pagbabakasakaling baka

Baka maging maayos pa tayo

Itataas ko ang puting bandera

Simbolo ng paglaya ko mula sa hawla nating dalawa

Simbulo ng pagsuko sa mga argumento mong pilit mong ipinapanalo

Itataas ang puting bandera na nagsasabing hayaan mo na akong mag-isa

Posted in To this broken heart...

On KPOP and KDRAMA

Right. You’re treating that hobby as a way to escape from your misery, right? You are always sad that’s why when you saw that door and walked in, you were fascinated by the colors or hues that you’ve never seen before. Sure. It’s an escape route from your reality. You are staring at the black and gray shaded life that you’ve been miserably living, then you face the other side and notice that rainbow light coming from that door. It’s as if the rainbow fills up the neutral and boring shade of your life.
All those dancers, singers and artists that make you scream in awe and amazement are the sole reason that help you forget about your own problems even just for a bit. They seem to make you feel alive more than ever. They seem to be your new source of hope to smile and live. All those dramas that you anticipate to watch make you feel like you were one of the characters as well and for a moment, you feel that it does feel good to live like that.
These make you feel like another person, a lot more different from the real one and a lot better than in reality. But heed this as an unsollicited advice, friend. It’s not a crime to open that door and sneak in, but don’t stay there for too long as if it became your life already. Don’t forget that reality is different from fiction. Don’t live your life inside a story that was and will only be an escape route from reality. Don’t make it your reality because there’s a fat chance that the door will be locked and you won’t find any key to open it anymore. Thus, you might not be able to come out. And as the imagination fills up your reality, it devours your soul as well. Never let that happen.

Focus! Remember your reality.