This is actually dedicated to my cousin. Well, I kinda know her story (her family’s conflicts and the like). I decided to write this for her.
In here, you’ll see what a child raised in a broken and complicated family really feels deep deep deep down inside (well, basing from her rants and expressions)
It’s been a long time since you left. Honestly, I don’t recall anymore how I felt when you took your leave. I was too young to remember it. You left the country because you had some issues here, and the fact that daddy had an affair with another woman and got her pregnant adds up to your reasons.
I grew up within my grandparents’ care. I am with my younger sibling. I don’t know if you know this but I miss you a lot mom. I miss it when you come home with that pizza box in your hand. I miss it when you hug me at night whenever I am having a nightmare. I miss your touch mommy. I miss you a lot.
But then the fact that we didn’t have much time to create more memories worsen my misery. I feel empty.
Daddy usually visits us and gives us money, but not for long. Not too long. I guess some people chooses to be selfish rather than their vowed responsibilities. Mind if I tell you that grandpa gets mad every time he sees him. Well, who wouldn’t, right?
Mom, I hate to say this coz I think it’ll upset you, but I love daddy as much as I love you. And I miss him. I still have our memories together. My sister might not have one because she was too young when this so-called family became an ash.
To be honest, I envy her. I wish I didn’t have any memories of us together. I wish I wouldn’t have to hold on to that.
Years passed and you still didn’t have the courage to come home. Well, I can talk to you through international call, and I can see you through Skype. But mom, frankly speaking, it’s utterly not enough. Totally not.
Where are you when I was a part of the top students? Where are you when I was about to receive that fake-gold plated medal? Where are you when my aunt had to attend that in your behalf? Where are you and daddy when I wanted to show you that I’v been a good child?
As time passes, I learned to accept this ill-fated life that we have. That’s the only thing that I can do, I guess? Accept. And accept.
I had come to the conclusion that we won’t be just like before, that’s why I learned to envy the other kids. Yes. You fill us with gadgets, bags and things that any child would love to have. But you can never fill that part in us which longs for motherly love.
I love you mom! I do. But I hate you whenever you call and I can’t answer immediately. That’s not the point anyway. The thing is, you get mad easily at us. You even curse at us. Truthfully, that hurts me a lot.
You call us names and trash words… at one point, I have realized the one reason why dad left you-us. He despised your attitude mom. He did. Well, I am not saying that he’s right to cheat on you nor am taking his side. No. I am just saying that it wouldn’t have been easier to fix this if you fixed you first.
Nowadays, whenever you contact us, I wish you didn’t or I wish I just didn’t took that call. I am sick of it mom. All your rants about your mistakes that you never did regret (in the first place); about your enemies (that were never enemies); about your problems (that you created). I am sick of it mom.
I am not wishing that you just don’t call or message us. I just wish that you could be better when talking to us. I just wish that your learn to keep your promises to us. I just hope that you learn to thank the people who show concern and love to you- to us.
You are arguing with grandpa and grandma about money, about our future and about the your problems that you made them carry as well. It hurts whenever you talk to them harshly. I love them. I wish you didn’t have to show disrespect and distrust to your parents. They love you mom. They love you a lot that they accepted to raise us even if they shouldn’t in the first place.
You even create fights with our aunt (your own dear sister!). I don’t understand. All she did was help you by helping us. As a younger sister, she did her best to support you- to cover up for you. But when she did a small thing that didn’t please you, you argue with her as if she didn’t do anything good to you. I respect my aunt, mom. She stood up us second mother. She loves us even if she already had a son to love herself.
Even if you’re hurting her verbally, she didn’t vent her anger to us. I wish you were like that.
You see mom? There’s a lot of things that I’ve learned and realized while growing up. I am afraid I am learning to hate you as well. I hope I won’t.
Mommy, I hope that we could be together again. I do hope as well that you show us your love and concern like a real mom- no curses, no trash words. Is it hard to fulfill?
Toys and gadgets can never replace love in this world Mom. Always remember that.
Please stop acting like a momster. I love you.
Sorry for the incorrect grammar and the like. Haha. Still not good in words huh?
I am a young blogger anyway, so.. Ciao~