Posted in blog, Uncategorized


To be honest, I am so done with my course. The things tha we were supposed to do are nit the things that they prioritize. I just want to feel fulfilled that what we’re doing is vital for the future of humanity. Why does it feels like we are just doing these requirements for grades? Why would they limit us to that? Why can’t we feel liberated to do what we think is good as well?

Researches, information needs assessment, thesis and many more… These are things that we’re not used to do that is why we need guides. We need help. We cannot just crawk on our own and just hear your scolding about our “stupidity” or “dumbness”. That’s unfair, really. What we need is motivation to keep on.

Look. Your designation as professors or doctor of philosophy, do they really matter if you are not an effective educator anymore?

I think no. I’d rather have instructors. At least they give us more of their time. At least their prioritize our learning more.

You must enhance us to get ready right?

Knowledge is useless if all that you do is boast about it. It’s pathetic and irritating at the same time.

You must share what you know. Don’t be so full of yourselves.

Posted in Uncategorized

Communication Failed, Communicators Failed

Can you see the irony in this world? I do.

I have a confession to make.
I am a communication student. As one, I must advocate effective communication between people and be a pioneer of that. In our world, miscommunication is not new anymore. There are instances where in wars start because of this. I believe that this is something that we must address.
I know for a fact that I still have a long way to go in improving my skills in creating an effective communication. I am still a student after all.
Unfortunately, attending one of my classes gave me this realization. It doesn’t matter if you are a communicator or not. The reality is that misunderstanding in communication happens and that’s inevitable.
We have this course subject about pretesting IEC materials to test the effectiveness of the material and improve them more. This is what our teachers are teaching us— to be able to know your audience and know their needs. We must be aware if our means of communicating is effective or not. Despite of that, I became upset of the fact that our teachers, who are supposed to show us what effective communication really is, failed.
Well, it’s not really entirely their fault. I admit that we really get sleepy sometimes during classes, but the fact that they are unfamiliar of that truth, even though they are well aware of it, disgusts me.
They should apply what they teach so that we can see that what we’re about to do is right. I can’t see that.
I can’t see an effective communication inside our classroom. What I see are sleepy students who don’t listen anymore because the lecture is too technical and boring. I see students playing games in their mobile phones just to enteraintain theirselves because they don’t see any connection between them and the teacher. I saw how misunderstanding occurred in our class because the instructions weren’t clear enough. This is not how you know your audience.
Knowing your audience, for me, must be knowing how to catch their attention and maintain that for the limited time you were given. Knowing them must be creating an identity that they could recall and apply in the future. Knowing them must be making your presence loud and clear like a voice. That’s what I think it should be, but that’s not happening.
How can communicators learn how to bring about effective communication if it already failed inside the four-cornered room where they were supposed to learn?
I believe that we are not an ordinary course because our role in our society is also important as doctors or engineers. I am not mocking us. I am just trying to point our shortcomings that we must correct.
Please, let us see that. Let us see that what we’re doing is really what is needed to be done.

This is a challenge! Be a real communicator!

Side note: I wrote this during that particular class because I really can’t understand the lecture.

Posted in To the people who love...

Unhooked Bra


Unhooking my bra
Got me reminded of
How you walked out
Of my little world

You drifted away
Without even looking
Back at me or
Back at the past

We’ve created together
Unhooking us
Just to be able to
Breathe from me

And from this
Tight rope of promise
We used to call us
It was like

A hook in a bra
Two small pieces
Of rusting metal
Trying to hold

On to each other
Parted ways in the end
And you, the one
I’d thought would

Keep it strong and firm
Was the first one
Who cut ties with me
As if aggresively

Pulling off the only
Support we’d ever have
And i, then one
Who was left behind

Keeps going back to
The past happiness
While passing by
The sadness

Seemingly these
Marks created
By the bond we once
Had, had stayed at

The mid part of my back
Right on the gentle skin
As if marking the place
We once called ours

Ours that as hours
Pass by our lives
The once moments
Drifted away, faded

Like an old mark
So every time i get
To dress up for
A new day’s task

I got to be reminded
First hand of you
To how we’ve parted
And still, i, like

An old habit
Choose to
Look back to
Anything that’s left

As if choosing to
Wear the same
Old and worn out bra
Each time i connect

The two tiny metals
Of my overused bra
I’d silently wish
That closing the gap

Will also mean
Closing the possibility
That we won’t be
Together again.


Posted in The nearing end...

Gaano ba?


Gaano ba sapat kalalim
ang sugat sa puso mo
para magkaroon ka
ng karapatang umiyak
dahil kung ako ang sasagot
ng tanong na iyan
hindi ko alam
hindi ko na alam
kung saang banda na
nakaabot ang panang
tumagos sa aking laman
na sayang nagbukas
ng pinto para sa sakit
na makapasok
at handang sirain
ang aking kalamnan
puso o laman
walang katumbas ang
sugat na ginuhit niyon
sa aking katawan na
gutay-gutay at wala
manlang laban
lalaban pa sana ako
sa digmaang sinimulan
ng mga takot sa isip ko
na nagbigay hudyat sa mga
pana para tamaan ang
kahinaang meron ako
wala ako sa tamang
wisyo at lakas para
para itaas pa ang
espada na kayang
putulin ang ugat na
kumokonekta sa sakit
na binibigay niyon
kung karapatan man din
ang pag-uusapan ay tiyak
na diyan ako may laban
dahil taglang ko ang
palatandaan na sinlalim na
ng bangin kung saan ako
nahulog at nahuhulog
ang sugat sa puso ko na
dulot ng sakit mula sa
digmaang simula pa lang
sa simula pa lang
ako ay tinapos na
at tapos na nga.

Posted in Happy? Or just an ending?, The nearing end...

how i met him: the nearing end

Misplaced feelings.

That’s just how I describe my relationship with him. My heart was in chaos whenever I am with him. It starts beating really fast with a simple smile or a sudden touch to my skin.
I feel like a lady whenever I am with him. Yes. That’s just how I describe it. And I love him. But I know that’s not enough. Sometimes, it doesn’t mean that you love someone you are already entitled to have that love and take it for granted. You can’t just claim it (even if he’s feeling the same way too) if it’s not right. And our time isn’t right.
For the past four months, I have felt many emotions. I laugh. I cried. I smiled. Then cried again. I became worried that the happiness might consume me or the sadness will. I was thinking about my priorities — God, school, family and self. And I have found out as I assess myself, he honestly wasn’t on the top list. I had a lot of things to do that I don’t think I can prioritize that kind love, this worldly love. I have a God who can love me unconditionally. A mom and a sister who’ll stay with me. But it was such a unfortunate mistake to rely with the love that he is giving. I am grateful for that love but I had forgotten about the things which came first. My commitments became nothing to me. I have diverted my attention to a relationship which I have no assurance if it will last. I forgot about my commitment to God, to my mom, to school, to my other responsibilities. I was too impulsive thinking that I can handle it. Later on, I have realized that I can’t. I am already hurting the Lord because of my disobedience. I have let myself love someone who He didn’t approve to be loved by me at the moment, in the first place. I disobeyed Him. I went on my own way. Hurt Him. I am also about to hurt my mom and my sister. They’re sacrificing a lot for me, but I am taking it for granted. I am so selfish. I am just thinking about my own happiness.
I love this guy. I do, really. I love him that it really hurts to accept the fact that it isn’t right. That is why this feeling is a misplaced one. Maybe I can say that loving him is right, but it is just in the wrong moment, wrong time.
I love him that it makes me cry. I am about to break the heart of the guy I love in order to save our hearts from even hurting more.
Last Sunday, I had given him the right to call me his girlfriend. It was out of control, that situation. Everything’s a mess. I acted impulsively. I am so guilty. Then now, even if days had only passed since we started dating, I decided to break it off. I decided to break our hearts so that it won’t break even more, so that people around us won’t get hurt as well.
At 1 am, I am writing this as I am crying. I am thinking about how much I have disobeyed God. I have surrendered my life to Him a long time ago and started serving Him. But I came to a point that I had a reservation. I didn’t commit fully. And that wasn’t right.
I hate to break my boyfriend’s heart, but my relationship with God and His plans for me is rather more important. I should have listened to that part of me a long time ago. Maybe we won’t reach this point, this point where in we started something that needed to end quickly.
I don’t know what I’ll tell him, how I’ll make him understand. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to tell him. I am afraid. Yes. But I am more afraid of losing God… Of losing my connection with him.
I love my boyfriend. But this is wrong, so wrong. This is utterly misplaced. I realized I am not yet ready to enter a relationship. I can’t handle it. I am too weak, too unprepared. Besides, the Lord doesn’t approve.
I am hurting. But that’s okay. In the future, I know that what I am about to do is right. I just have to step forward and take an action.

Considering of my situation, I just want to impart someone that loving is not easy. You have to consider a lot of things before taking a chance. You have too in order to prevent anyone from getting hurt.

Lastly, I want to tell him, even if he won’t even read this blog, that my feelings for him is real. The butterflies in the stomach, the sheepish smiles, the suppressed laughs, the annoying pouts and tiring tantrums were real. I enjoyed that four months. I cannot call it worth it yet, as I am uncertain. But I do hope. And I also hope hurting is worth the tears. I love you.

He doesn’t have any idea how much I want to hug him and kiss him. But I can’t.

Thank you for your irritating smile, your weird antics, corny jokes, natural sweetness and obvious concern. I am feeling the love you are giving me. I am feeling it that’s why it’s hard to for me to let it go. I guess I am not the one God planned for you and maybe I am, we just had it in the wrong moment.

Nevertheless, I love you. And I am sorry.

I’ll be a bad person to you. I’ll hurt you. But I am wishing you the best and happiness, even if I won’t be one of the reasons anymore.

Hello, to the nearing end of how I met him.


I wrote it because I can’t tell this to anyone close to me. I am too ashamed of myself. I am a bad person, a selfish one.

Posted in To the people who love..., To this broken heart...

I farted stars and unicorns

I was asleep; that thin piece of cloth barely covering my body. The night was cold but it didn’t matter. I was lying there, lying on the green grass as if it served as my bed in an open room full of darkness.
It was dark. There wasn’t any sign of light that could give me hope that dawn was near. I was shivering, eyes shut and teeth gritted.
I was waiting for your arrival. I can just choose to leave, but I didn’t. I don’t even want to. You said you’d come back.

You just have to find yourself. But were you lost? I don’t remember seeing your soul leaving your body or the other way around.

I was skeptical to believe your reason but I ended up buying it– ended up waiting in the cold and dark night.
You left me there, remember? I was stretching my arms to you as you slowly walk away from me. Irrational tears fell from my eyes as I watched your retreating back. You said you’d come back and I believed you, even if I know, at the back of my mind, that you’re good in telling lies. When you left, you didn’t even dare to look back as if you haven’t left something, someone– me.
You said you believe in magic. Well, I don’t. You tell me stories about unicorns and damsel in distress and glass slippers. I just listen pretending to be interested to your fictional stories.
I loved you that’s why I forced to make myself be a fan of magic, of mysteries, even if I really don’t.
You see? Magic took you away from me.
When we were together in this same place, hands intertwined, you saw a ting flicker of light. You were fascinated. I even noticed your eyes sparkling. You ought to follow that light, while I stopped you. Then moments passed, you begun telling me that you’re tired, fed up with this whole relationship bound by love. Were you tired of me? Or tired of pretending that you love me?
You’re a liar! You don’t really believe in unicorns and damsels in distress or glass slippers. You hated them. It was just that you thought that I was the one who liked them that’s why you tried liking them as well. But it was such a big mistake to like something you really don’t.
And it’s the same with your feelings. You’re a fat liar, a puppet manipulated by your own greed and ego. You said I was your princess. But you lied again. You saw me as a prey, a bird perhaps. That kind of bird people sell for its beauty. You were my hunter. Like a fool, I let you hunt me and catch. Now that I no longer posses that beauty, you chose to leave me– throwing me like a garbage.
You won’t come back. You won’t. That’s a given

But because I am a fool, I still stay on the same spot where you left me. I look up and stare at the endless darkness.

I noticed stars started floating around me. They were shining so bright. Then unicorns fly leaving a trace of light.

They were coming from me, from me bottom– or the bottom of my heart or stomach. I’m not sure. But they’re beautiful.

Maybe, I farted stars and unicorns, holding the piece of hope that it will bring me light in this dark night and a possibility that one of your lies might be true.


* * *

I don’t know if does make any sense. I just hope it does.

Posted in A blog, Personal, Story, The nearing end...

how i met him (and how it ended)

According to a book I’ve read, people come and go, forever drifting in and out of our lives. Some would stay but some would just pass by. It hurts that the ones you wanted to stay the most are the ones who leave.
In my case, he didn’t just leave. But he also snatched the little happiness that he brought me and left me sadness instead. I shouldn’t let myself drown in that ocean of happiness and fleeting moments. No. I should have just stayed in the shore and never get in the water in the first place. I forgot. I don’t know how to swim. Now, I am slowly drowning at the bottom of the ocean where sadness lies– where screaming for help would be useless because no one would hear me.
It’s funny how I still wish for him to come back even though I’ve been hurt already. It’s an epic choice to still hope for that guy to come and save me. But how could he? In the first place, he was the one who pushed me to drown. And it’s stupid how willingly I am to still hope and to look like fool for nothing. Because frankly speaking, I thought we’d have that little piece of forever. I had hoped for that. But then I guess we can’t find forever with the wrong guy– with the wrong person.
In the end, this was just a long chapter of a book where he played a significant role then vanished after portraying it. Now, I have to the turn the page and get over it. But how?

They say there’s always a rainbow after the rain. I wish I can hope for that easily, but how can I have that rainbow if it’s always raining whenever I wake up?

* * *

Actually right now, even if I am trying to pick up my pieces and surviving to live, the pain still lingers. It creeps in to my body, trying to destroy me once again. But I am trying to prevent that from happening again because the guy who was supposed to protect me left me already.

I wish it would be easier to move on. Because whenever I think about him, I just break down and cry. I just love him so much that it hurts to think that he’s gone. He left me.

But the funny part is that I will still see him this coming semester. He’s my classmate after all. How can I live with that?