Title: Closure or Comeback?
I am a grown up lady now. Or so I thought. I just barely started my college life. Well, I can say that it was fun. Diary, it was fun!
Haha! Who am I fooling? Actually, it was a living hell compared to high school. It was good that first semester is already over. It’s a new year. Kaso bagong taon, may tao namang namemeste sa mood ko. (It’s a new year yet someone’s pestering my mood.)
I was single for 2 years, Diary. Two effin’ years! But then you know about this story, right? Of course you do. I wrote it.
Now, he’s back. Oh well! Let’s have a recap.
Back in high school, I met this guy through a friend of mine. We became buddies… he courted me for six months… gave me flowers… send me sweet notes and songs. I prolonged his suffering. Well, I never had a boyfriend before, so practically, hindi ko alam kung paano maging girlfriend (I don’t how to act like a real girlfriend). I thought that time that I wasn’t a girlfriend material (I am a hopeless romantic, but I’m not sweet). And to be honest, I wasn’t still over with my one-sided crush/love with my first love. Childish noh? ( isn’t it?)
Well, going back, I told him I wasn’t still ready to be in a relationship and I’d like add as a reason about family issues to that. I am afraid of the heartbreak as well. I read a lot of stories and watched movies. (I am quiet a fan!)
The funny things was, I decided to try. I sorted things out and found out that I do like him… I wasn’t just sure if I love him. Well, if I was being played, it’s better not to put my guard down, right?
So on Christmas eve, I accepted him. I wasn’t at all joyful about the sudden change. But then I felt a pang of guilt so I tried to make it work. But he was the one who didn’t try.
Let’s say that we didn’t really like each other. Up until now hindi ko alam bakit naging kami. (I still wonder why we became a couple.)
Two weeks or so later, I got sick of it– of that overrated game of teen love. I decided to end it earlier. They say, the earlier the better. Kaso sya pala yung tatapos. (I didn’t expect that he’s ending it first.)
I was dumped. Ah! Scratch that. Iniwan lang pala ako sa ere. (He left me hanging.) Basically, walang break up, walang closure. Bigla na lang syang hindi nagparamdam. (There wasn’t any break up, no closure either. He just disappeared.) I can’t reach his phone and he wasn’t replying to my messages in Facebook.
I was dumbfounded, like what the hell? I felt like I was played even though I was one of the player. Tsk! Then I realized, I did loved him. Iniyakan ko sya eh. Nag-emo ako dahil sa kanya. (I cried becuase of him. I became like an emo.) I was fooling myself then. Indenial lang ako. Kung kelan nya ako iniwan, dun ko mararamdaman. (I was just indenial. When he already left me, that’s when I realized my true feelings.)
Days passed, months passed and I tried to get over with my first failed relationship. I concluded that he didn’t have an interest in me in the first place. Jerk!
I graduated in high school and entered a different school. Ayokong makita sya sa iisang University. (I didn’t want to meet him in the same University.) It’s not that I still love him, hindi ko lang alam kung anong ire-react kapag nagkita kami. (I just didn’t know what to react when I see him.)
Then one day, while I was peacefully checking my wall, he messaged me a “hi”. Woah! Parang walang nangyari, right? Kapal. (It’s like nothing happened between us. Thickfaced!)
Testing him, I replied. The exchange of words became a convo. Kinamusta nya ako… same rin sakin… hanggang sa napunta sa past. (We said our greetings, untill it landed about our past.)
Sabi nya kung pwede bang maging kami ulit. Sabi ko naman, “nag-break ba tayo?… ah! Right! Silent break up pala ano? Kakaiba tayo eh. You went AWOL tapos ako na lang bahalang mag-decode nung nangyari as hey ayoko na. Break na tayo.” I realized that I’ve grown to hate him for real.
(He asked me to reconcile. I asked him, “did we broke up. Ah! Right! It was a silent break up! We’re different huh. You went AWOL and then I’ll be the one who’ll decode what happened as, hey! I’m done. Let’s break.”)
He apologized. Sabi nya nahihiya daw sya sakin. Natatakot syang kausapin ako. Nasira yung phone nya, di nya ako nakontak… mga ganung nonsensical na rason ng isang jerk.
(He said that he’s ashamed to face me. He’s afraid to talk to me. His phone was broken that’s why I couldn’t contact him… err, the usual alibis from a certified jerk.)
I wasn’t stupid to buy his lies. Hell, why would I!?
Sabi nya mahal pa daw nya ako at hind(i sya nagkaroon ng girlfriend since we “silently broke up” (note: add sarcasm in there). Sinong niloko nya?
(he said he didn’t have any gilfriend after me and that he still loves me. Who was he fooling?)
Sinong magmamahal pa rin ng isang taong ni-hindi nya nakasama o kinausap sa loob ng dalawang taon?
Sinong maniniwala na wala syang naging girlfriend after me kung cover photo nya nga months after he disappeared eh babae? (okay, I stalked him.)
Ako pa ba? Ako pa bang niloko nya?
Fooling me once is enough to learn a lesson.
Makikipag-balikan sya na parang walang nangyari? Ano sya? Loka-loka?
Sabihin mo Diary? Nag-iisip ba sya.
Hindi lahat ng nagmamahal, nagtatagal. (Not everyone who love lasts long.)
That’s what I told him. I hate him to death kasi liar sya. But it won’t do me any good. Bahala sya sa buhay nya.
Hindi ko na nireply’an yung ibang senseless na message nya. Actually, nakakaumay syang kausap. Paulit-ulit na lang. Parang sirang plaka. Nakakainis.
Hanggang salita lang naman sya.
Funny. A week after that nakita ko na lang sa isang status nya na in a relationship sya.
Wahaha! Jerk talaga, kala nya ikina-gwapo nya yun.
Diary, I am happy because once and for all, I didn’t let him fool me. Utot nya!
It’s utterly looooong, but I hope you finished it ’till the end lovelies! Lovelots!