Posted in A blog, To this broken heart...

You Again

I am not that typical kind of girl who had many EX’s. But I had a boyfriend. HAD. So, it’s a past tense.

I am writing now about this because I am a little confused.


I met him because of my cousin. We started as friends and it was kind of good because he’s kind. He eventually became my best bud. Even if I am aware of the fact the he likes me, I still did not acknowledged it and asked him that we just stay as friends.

Well, he respected that, but he still tried to court me.

For six months, he courted me. There’d be times when we’re talking by the phone or we’re just find time to exchange messages.

He was the first guy who gave me lovely flowers. He wasn’t the first one that I loved, but I learned to love him back. I believed that I could trust him. I had hoped that he will take good care of my heart.

On a Christmas day, we became a couple.

Well, it wasn’t very special because I only confirmed it through call. i told him that I’ve made up my mind, and that I want to try and make it work.

I hope it did. But it didn’t.

It’s a big disadvantage when you are in a relationship with someone who is attending a different school. But I trusted him.

Even if I try very hard to make it work, it still didn’t. We eventually lost contact after a couple of weeks, and before I knew it, we’re over.

There wasn’t any proper closure. I wasn’t even sure if he still loves me or not. And I cried every night asking myself why it didn’t worked out.

Our relationship didn’t reach a month span. It was such a pity to think about it.

After nights of wondering and crying, I learned to get over him. I learned to move on and believe that maybe, my forever doesn’t belong to him. I have realized that my life shouldn’t be wasted just because of a failed first try.

It’s been 2 years, and I am okay now– beyond okay.

The first guy that I loved courted me, too. But I decided to stay like this for now. I decided to enjoy my life while I am still young.

The annoying and irritating part was when he showed up, without any warning.

Why is it that when everything seems okay, he’ll come and ruin it?

First, he asked me if I’m okay. Well, I was okay.

After some questions, he reached his agenda.

He asked me if I still have feelings for him, and I answered a clear, “none anymore”.

He didn’t accept it nor rejected it. He told me that he wants a second try. He told me that he still loves me and that didn’t change during that 2 years that had passed.

I told him to stop lying and that I don’t believe him anymore.

I want to cry and ask him, “why now?”

I don’t have the wit to tell him that. I don’t have the courage to shove infront of him the pain that I’ve felt when he suddenly disappeared. Now, he’s back. He acts as if nothing major happened… as if I wasn’t hurt.

At the end of our conversation, I told him to grow up and respect my decision. He told me again that he loves me. He uttered that three words again, and he confused me a lot.

I told him that I am not the only girl in the world, and that we both deserve someone better… that it won’t work out anymore. He told me that even though there’s a million of girls on earth, I am the only one for him.

I wasn’t fluttered. I was pissed.

I told him that we can be friends, but he wants us to be more than friends. How about that? Ugh!

He told that he’ll wait. I don’t care now.

I don’t believe to his damn promises anymore. The last time I believe in those, I felt misery. I don’t want to go back to that feeling again.

I don’t want to be like that anymore.

Even if it seems that I still have feelings for him, can you tell me… will I accept him again?



writer | blogger | reader | staffer | lover | eater | worshiper Shayeness is a 19-year-old gal born in the year 1998. She's from the Philippines and a pure Filipina. Currently, she's studying at a university where in she takes BS in Development Communication and is in her third year in college. Shayeness writes poems, stories, essays and even songs. She's in love with words. She blogs her works here (wordpress) and in tumblr. Aside from writing, she also loves reading, given that this is where she started having the heart to write. She's also a campus journalist and working at their university's official publication as the feature editor. Aside from writing she's a lover of a lot of things as well, especially cupcakes and cute things. She loves eating a lot but hates junk foods. She's a Christian and she serves God through the worship ministry where in she plays the keyboard (piano). Her personal dream is to someday publish a novel or a book of poem at least once in her life but also pursue her plans (well she doesn't have any yet). She's still thinking if she'd be a disc jockey, a journalist, a layout artist, a reporter, a director or an office-mate. Her chosen course has a lot to offer. It's hard to choose. The important thing is, she plans to have a job.

8 thoughts on “You Again

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s