Posted in PERSONALity

Sides

Is it hard to stay on one side? Can’t they just stay mean if they are really bad? Frantically speaking, it is so hard to understand them! Day by day, their attitude changes. Hindi ko alam kung saan dun ang totoo. Araw-araw rin na makakarinig ka ng masasakit na salita. Like, really! Is it our fault that we’re here? We didn’t force them in the first place. They have so many secrets that we are yet to uncover. We’re not burdens. As far as I know, nandito kami para tulungan sila, hindi para maging pabigat. It is sad because sometimes, people don’t know how to appreciate simple things. Gusto nila walang mistakes. Ugh! Perfectionists!

Sometimes they act nice and pure, but most of the time they tend to be mean. Tao rin naman kami. We have feelings, too. We tend to get hurt. Even though they could say that we have to deal with it, it is still unfair.

This situation is really hard! I want to leave, but how can I? Ang hirap makisama sa mga taong mahirap pakisamahan.

Posted in PERSONALity

Journal: Entry 1

Di,

I had a nice day. Same routine, though. Pero ganun talaga, di ba? Kapag walang magawa sa buhay, paulit-ulit talaga ang mga ginagawa. But atleast, nakaka-burn ng fats. Err. What am I saying, anyway? Sorry. I must have lost my mind already. Minsanan ko na rin makita ang Kadz ko. They have their own lives, too. I respect that. Ako na lang ata ang nag-iisang teambahay sa amin eh. Pumapasok na silang tatalo… pati na rin yung dalawa pang nasa malayo. Ah! I miss them a lot! I wish I could fly… para naman maka-steal ako ng konting oras na makita sila at maka-bonding. Haha, as if! I’m sorry if I am using our language already. Anyways, I am still happy because they are going to school already. I am a happy go lucky person. Yay! It makes me sad though. Kasi nga mas busy na sila. (Sana busy na rin ako para even. Grr.) I thanked them! They were the first friends that I’ve met since I moved here. Ugh! Accidentally, bigla na lang kaming naging Kadz. Haha. I must tell this to my Barkada. For the mean time, hindi muna. Di ko pa alam kung paano i-nanarrate yung “mini story” naming Kadz eh. Life is… err…. masyadong complicated. Little by little, nakikilala ko sila. I do hope that I could really give my trust in them. Not bad, eh? Wish lang… sana matupad. Hahaha.

This is my first entry as my journal. It is up to you if you’ll read it. It is still a blog anyway… a more personal blog, though. Thank you friend! Take care. 잘 자! ♥

with so much love,

Moelaine

Posted in Bitterness at its best

Makikita Mo

Sa darating na sandali, dapat mong asahan

Ang mga luhang sa’king mata’y bumuhos, iyo ring mararamdaman

Ang pait ng aking kapalaran

At ang sakit na ikaw ang may kagagawan

Ay ipaparanas ko rin sa’yo, iyo itong asahan.

Makikita mo, oo, makikita mo

Ang mga sandaling dapat ay ikinasasaya ko ay kinuha mo

Ang mga oras na sinayang ko para sa’yo ay babawiin ko

Matitikman mo ang tamis ng paghihiganti ng isang tao

Na niloko, sinaktan at iniwan mo para sa iba

Makikita mo, mapagtatanto mo

Na hindi ba’t nakakatakot isipin na ako ang wawakas sa buhay mo?

Ako na pinagkaitan mo ng mga pangakong pinako mo

Ako na pinaasa mo sa kaligayahang hanggang salita lamang

Minahal kita, alam mo yun?

Pero yan ang pilit kong ibinabaon

Para sa darating na sandali’y makaya ko

Na ipaghiganti ang pusong patuloy mong dinudurog.

Posted in Too stupid to know...

Dumbest

I sometimes wish that I just become stupid. Do you know the feeling when you don’t have any care at all because you are too ignorant to know what really happens?


Dumb. I wished that I don’t have common sense, so that I won’t be able to realize the painful reality. Sometimes, all that knowledge causes is pain. It hurts, right? When you are able to uncover the truth but on the negative part you are too clever to find out how painful it is to uncover it. We are trying to look for answers while we are hurting others.
Traitors. That’s us… bunch of selfish traitors. We are all damn selfish humans whose only want is to survive for their own selfish dreams and reasons. I hate them! I don’t trust them! Yeah. For a moment, I hated myself for that. We are too absorbed by those fantastic dreams that we have and not able to realize how selfish we really are. We think that we are smarter than other people… higher than them… but really? Can’t there be more stupid assumptions that we humans might create? Staying stupid is better I guess?
When you are stupid, you don’t know the word love, care and pain. You don’t have to be nice or kind because you don’t have any care at all. You won’t learn how to become selfish because you don’t know how to dream. You just turn numb about the happenings in this fallen and ungrateful world. I hope that making it happen is just as easy as counting numbers. Sadly, it is harder than counting the stars in the galaxy. It wasn’t easy to not have any care at all. It is not easy to unloved somebody to whom you dedicated your dream… and the reason of your stupid and selfish actions.
We are mere humans who are not capable of turning back time. But sometimes, we are not just simple people. We are cruel! We all are. Dang! Why does life turn out to be like this? Can’t I just stop caring? Can’t I just cover my ears and close my eyes? … So that I won’t see nor hear everybody’s cruelty? Can I just remove these emotions? This really annoys me. Aish!
I wish I could just put a big banner on top of my head saying, “I am stupid. I don’t care at all.”
It is a painful reality, though, because unexpectedly you realize that you are already crying because of the pain that you are feeling for that one damn human that you treasure a lot. Life runs this way, eh? You can still love someone even though you don’t know how to give trust. Stupidly, we learn how to turn dumb because of love. Sadly, we become dumb at the wrong time.

Posted in Father's Day....

Just For a Day

“Someone who is able to mend a broken heart.”


Daddy,

Hi. Do you still remember me? Do you still find time to think about me? I am okay, dad. I am trying to. It’s been a year or more since I saw your smile. I missed it! Do you know what I feel right now? It feels like even though I can see you face to face, I won’t still recognize you. You’ve changed a lot, daddy. What happened? What went wrong that you needed to leave me? The pain still affects me. I loathe you, but I love you at the same time, daddy. You said that you will never leave me. But you just did. Your promises… what happened to your promises? You broke it, like how you broke my heart.

Can’t there be more struggles for us, dad? You were the first one who let go. Can you come back now? No, right? Because once you left, you will never find a way to come home. I still feel bitter, every time I hear rumors that you are happy with her. It sucks, dad, that our life turned out this way. It sucks because I can’t have you when I needed you the most. How can you leave a broken child for your selfish reason? How can you hurt me this much, daddy?

I decided not to greet you on your birthday. I decided not to care at all. But the stupid part is, when I try harder not to care, I feel like I want to find you and hug you… and know if you are doing fine. Pathetic. Yes, I am. Now, just for a day, I want you to feel how much I needed you right now. I need you, as a father. I miss you, daddy. I hope that you are doing fine. Even though we ended up like this, it doesn’t change the fact that your blood runs in my body.

         I wish I could turn back time, and stop it in a scene that I love the most. Sadly, I can’t. I won’t be able to. Daddy, I hope that in the future, someone will mend the heart that you broke. I hope that someone will never leave me. I love you! ♥

with so much love,

Your Princess

Posted in To the people who still feel pain...

Magical World

Future. I wish I can face that with him. Until now, I still suffer the pain that he had left.


I had so many dreams, and he was a part of that countless dreams that I created. I was so absorbed by that magical feeling that I’ve felt when he told me that he will never leave… that he will forever stay. He built a home for me, and assured that it will never break apart. I believed in that promise.

He was one of the most important person in my life. And I couldn’t imagine living without him. I wasn’t afraid of facing this fallen world because I knew that I was safe when I was with him. He promised that I will never get hurt. I was so happy. But I never thought that life would be so cruel, because at the middle of my magical world, the magic vanished. Like any other stories that was told, I had a tragic one.

“He took my happiness with him and left me sadness instead.”

He broke his promise. I wished that he never did. The home that he built is still standing, but he closed that door and walked away. I never expected that to happen. And I certainly never wanted it. When he left, I cried. But then one night, I woke up and asked myself, “Does he even care if I cry an ocean of tears?” He said that I will never get hurt. But he was the one who hurt me first. He left me! For what? For selfish reasons. I can never understand him. I don’t recognize him anymore. But I do miss him a lot. Our memories, the happy ones, they still wander in my mind. I loathe him, though.

I wish that I’ll learn how to move on and make my life better. So I can make him realize what he had lost when he left.♥

Posted in To our second life...

The Gift of Dying

The SENSE of LIVING is DYING.

The SENSE of DYING is LIVING.


It is as if we were bound to feel pain and death, because that way we were able to realize that life do exist. Yes. People die, and Jet Black said that Man always thinks about his past before he dies, as if he is frantically searching for proof that he truly lived. I guess he’s right. We think about the sweet and painful past to make ourselves believe that breathing wasn’t just a dream after all.

However, it still seems to be really hard to believe its existence. Most of us weren’t sure where people would go after they die, is it up there? Or beneath the ground?

Well, what’s the purpose of breathing anyway? I once read a quote from the internet that we shouldn’t just exist. We must live. But isn’t breathing living already? Honestly speaking, no. Breathing is just a process, an uncontrollable process, while living, it is a choice.

I was so afraid of dying before, because I was so attached to the things man had made. I was also afraid of my fate, in hell or in heaven? I was not certain before.

I tried my best to avoid the reality that I might die. However, I died in the end. It wasn’t a pitiful nor painful death though. I died in the most amazing and enchanting way. It was a happy ending.

My fate of dying occurred because of a certain thing that I am sure you are familiar with. Well, before that, I’ll tell you my life before I died.

I WAS LOST. I did not know what to do in this mortal hell or fallen world. While its falling, it felt like I was falling with it, too. I was so afraid. I commit mistakes, shortcomings, sins and other stuffs that is truly not right. Yes, I was indeed breathing, but it feels like I was slowly dying. I wasn’t sure of what I really wanted…what I’ll pursue, dreams, goals and the likes. I felt useless!
But then, He came, and I was saved from being miserable and lost. I got afraid at first, but then I slowly held His hand. It felt safe. I feel safe.

When I surrendered my past self to Him, He made me new. My old self died and I was born again. It was not a painful death for me. I died for the better. I chose to die in order to live. Is ist too complicated?

I found out that living is about searching for the Truth, the Way and the Life. However, in my case, He was the one who found me.

His love is so powerful that He makes it a point that I feel it everyday. I feel it through my mother, my sister, my dear friends and other people who care for me. Living again is really awesome. It seems like I didn’t die at all. Now, I am not afraid of dying anymore, because I am aware where I’ll go. His presence washes away my fears. I gain strength, and when I die, real death, I will be fine beside Him, at last!♥

*from my HTML project

Posted in To the people who love...

Downfalls: Falling in Love

Falling in love… is easy. But falling while trying to give trust is hard.


I once read in one of my favorite novels that “to be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved“. How can you love someone if you can’t trust him?

TRUST. A big part of loving. I think, trust breaks first before the heart. Trusting is not all about yourself, it is about you and the one you love. That You and I. US.

We feel pain whenever we fall for someone. But does it always matter if you suffer now? Like trust, pain is also a part of loving. Like what John Green said, “Pain demands to be felt.” So, it does enters our life. It makes your story tragic but awesome at the same time. Every tear that flows from your eyes…every word that comes from your mouth every time you scream… It is all about the pain that you are suffering. But believe me when I say that at the end of the day, when things seem to be alright, you realize that you are still happy because of that one awesome man whom you cherish.

There will be twists and turns…ups and downs… but stay strong and believe. There will be downfalls, problems and mistakes. That is the reality of being a fool in love. Never give up because you are too tired. Don’t waste that long walk that you took for some petty reasons. Hold his hand and never let it go, because your awesome end awaits.

“Keep on believing that out of all the billions of damn humans who are currently breathing on this fallen world, there is someone who will love you awesome-ly.”♥

I still believe in that no matter how I suffer pain. I hope that you do, too.

Posted in Perfectionists

Imperfections?

Frankly speaking, I hate perfectionists! They act as if they never commit mistakes. They are the kind of people who notice mistakes  rather than improvements. They’re one of the reason why only few fellows know that they are fine… that mistakes are just part of life. They degrade other people. I don’t understand why people do such things. They are so cruel to force somebody to become perfect. Things happen for a reason. There are mistakes and downfalls because there’s a reason why they have to encounter them. They need to learn.

Their way to thinking is WAY too critical that their brains begin to coil. They don’t seem to be happy at all. They always frown because no one can meet their standards…high standards. Why? Are they perfect? They are just perfectionists… not perfect humans. They aren’t happy. Why do they need to witness perfect things if they can’t make them happy?

“I think imperfections leads to happiness…like loving his flaws or accepting defeat and trying again.”

Imperfections are mere examples of things that people commit in order to find happiness. When someone is perfect (but I know no one is), then he didn’t do anything to become happy. His life is useless.

We are not perfect, nor nearly perfect. Dude! There’s no such thing!

Posted in Uncategorized

Hello Friend!

Friend. Why friend? I believe that there was never a stranger… only friends we still haven’t met. Am I right? Welcome and I hope that you’re okay. Fighting~

Happy blogging!